Mid-Something Ramblings

Short fuses, Failing and the inability to life–AMTSP

Still with me? Good…I think.

I will admit that I have a short-temper. Not only that, but I was blessed with the lovely ability to hold a deep-seated grudge and the burning need to rant about it. Thus, I get into trouble. I have never had a great ability to keep my mouth shut.  I like to think I have a great handle on it. I can Zen like the best of them, sometimes. But I have a short fuse that is just waiting for a match to make me flare. I am told repeatedly that anger, unhappiness, and grudges are a matter of choice. Well…Jayne from Serenity says it best, ‘She’s disrupting my calm.’ My Zen is in the lowest of the low talent. I can hear you all saying, ‘But Mandy why this rant about your temper?” Because it seems to be taking over my life along with several other bad/negative traits, I am not saying I need to be that girl/guy we all secretly hate because they are always rainbows and kittens. Just happier and a little less negative. So three things I need to work on.

  1. I complain way too much. Actually above is indication of that… Complaining and ranting can cleanse the soul from that built up negatively. But I seem to do it all the time. I have to wonder is all this ranting, ragging on things, and negative thought not just getting me down but making me unpleasant to be around? That the problem and, the solution is a cleansing of complaining, ranting and ragging. So throughout the week if I complain, Please stop me and help me out with a little positive. Thanks.

 

  1. Problem two: I take too much on making me feel a little drained. I hoard projects, job duties, and need to-do lists like a dragon with treasure. Then I get way whelmed (stealing from Robin in YJ) and distraught. What you, dear readers, don’t know about me is that I hate messing up/failing. I hate failing in anyway or even letting someone down. So when someone comes to me for help, I will go ahead and above for them. It is the same way with projects. Failing makes me prissy and upset for a good while. It also adds a notch to my lack of self-esteem pole. In some ways being afraid to fail has made me hesitant to try new things. So that fear that drives me to be as close to perfect, knowing that I will fail makes me mad at myself. Then I completely social graces fail because I am embarrassed, and wanting to crawl in a hole and die. So being a little more Zen and letting my need to be constantly involved or being needed to take the carpool lane. Less Pressure, less stress equal less negative.

 

  1. I am not a healthy eater. In lieu of laziness will automatically make Mac&Cheese, spaghetti or order out. Which not only blows my diet but it also kills my budget for the week. I love to cook and bake but I haven’t been excited about cooking for one, and I never seem to have the right ingredients for baking. Not to mention…the diet.

 

So that its. The three things I will work on this month to improve self-esteem, positive outlook and hopefully the air around me. So what are you going to work on this month? Tell me in the comments!

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